The day was gloomy, as gloomy as my heart. It was raining, not too gentle nor too fierce. The heaven seems also to cry. The rains helped to disguise my tears as I stood here at the cemetery. I was watching them lowering my best-friend into the grave.All eyes sometimes diverted to me. I know. They may be wondering what am I doing at a Christian Cemetery. Let the be. Let me dwell in my loss. I nearly succeed but I never thought that it was going to end like this.The letter he wrote to me, I held it between my fingers. I will miss him, a lot. It happened so fast that I did not made it, to stop it.
It was the day before. We were just relieved ourselves from our tonnes of home works. Then, he said something that I almost cursed myself for not realizing it back then.
"Hey, Ahmad, will you miss me if I was gone?"
"Where are you going? You're not running away, aren't you?"
"No, it just that I'm sick of them. Mom seems too attached to that new hubby of hers. I feel that I am neglected."
" You are always against her. It was even since before she met him. To me, you don't seem to be neglected. You're the luckiest gut I ever know. You have all that a boy could wish for. She devotes herself and her money to you."
" Really...Is that so... Well, frankly speaking, I never thought that I was lucky at all. All you see are just the materials. Nothing more. I want her love, her attention, her acknowledgment that I am indeed her son.."
"I'm sorry, really, I am. I know that you're suffering but as I said before, every cloud has its silver lining. If you keep thinking of the love that you didn't obtain, go on and search for the true and one love. the love of your God. All mankind will die but God never dies."
"You keep reminding me of God. It's good to talk with you, Ahmad, but what God may I ask? I don't feel a thing in my God."
"God forbids, don't talk like that. Have faith. That is why I said search for it, you're a brilliant young man for heaven's sake."
"It's not your God, it's mine!! Never mind that, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Have faith huh?? I'll keep that in mind"
That was when I glimpsed at my watch."Is it that late already? Well Tim, that my cue. Excuse me, I want to meet my Lover.."
"Your lover?? Yeah, right. You mean you God right?"
"Bingo! Well, till next time I believe, goodbye."
"Bye Ahmad." and he murmured something.. "You're my one true friend.." As I went, I watched him with a sad smile. Yeah, things had been tough on him..I never guess that that will be our last meeting..
There was no next time. That night, I received the call. The heartwretching call. It was his mother.
"Hello, is..is this Ahmad..Isk.."
"Yes ma'am, may I help you??"
"Oh, Ahmad, it's Tim.. Please come here.. Here at Tim's house... Please hurry.."
"Okay ma'am, I'll be there in a minute."
It was odd.. I went to his house using my bike. In split seconds I was there. His step-father ushered me inside. That was when I saw the sight that I could never forget. Tim was laying lifelessly on his mother laps. I was dumbstruck. I touched his body. It was cold as ice. That was when I saw the rope. Why Tim? Why did it turn out this way? His mother handed me a piece of paper. It was a letter. scrawny written words confirmed that it was his final words, but for me? My name was clearly written on it. Her eyes shined. I understand. I read the letter out loud for his mother ears.
Dear Ahmad,
When you are reading this, I know for sure that I am no longer there.I'm sorry to do this to you. the truth is, that evening, hearing you said that, I almost forgive my mother... However, as you always said, we make plans, God makes plans, His plans are the supreme. Well, I was thinking of what you said earlier. I even plan to join your faith for I have none of my own. However, thanks for the birthday wishes for you see my own mother forget. I was down then. Then I was out of my mind when late this evening she said she wanted to celebrate something with her hubby. That's it... I could not stand this any longer.. Forgive me for I betray you...
Timothy.
I cried. I did. I cried, why did he resorted to such way.Still, what can be done. the milk has spilled.
The rains has stop but the sky still dark as it can be. I read the words engraved on his tombstone. 'Here lies Timothy Rider who valiantly search for love till his last day'. I was devastated but I know what I felt was not as worse as what his mom may felt. I watched her standing by. Her tears had stopped for she knew her son will never lived again but sorrow did filled her heart for watching afar you'll know it. Whose heart will not break, her only son suddenly killed himself because of her. Adding to that, his last words were for his friend not for you her...
Her words that night really remind me of something important.." I never thought that he will do something like this.. He.. He's my dearest son... Now I know the importance of love..."
